either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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