so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
