Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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