I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
