if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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