i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
