Where did you get a picture of my penis
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
