Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
