You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
