There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
