Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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