That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize