I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
