looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
