if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
