Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
