Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
