Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
