Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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