Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize