he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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