We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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