Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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