Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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