What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
