It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
