i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
