yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
