if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
