are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
