I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
