fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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