my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
