After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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