I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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