I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
