YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
