hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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