Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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