i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
