I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
