I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
