Please, let me fuck your mom
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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