Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
