I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
