If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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