just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
