great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
