Pants 0. Shit 1.
nutella sex= disaster
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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