My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i now understand why vodka
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
