Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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