I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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