she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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