Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
