I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize