I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Shame - the story of my life.
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