You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
