Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
