Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's blow job season.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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