Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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