Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
