I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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