How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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