Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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